Purging


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Yeah I said it- work clothes.


Do you know what today is? April Fool’s Day. What’s that about anyway?

April Showers Bring May Flowers!

The Un-Bearable Lightness of Being.

(is being discussed on Blue Lake Public Radio right now.)

April is also Earth Month. By that I mean Earth Day, is April 22 [don’t forget it!] & this beautiful Green world we live in is about to go into frenzy celebrating that fact. I put the most miles on my car ever, in a month’s time, last April.

Yep, it’s that time of year again. Spring!

Last year, [and I really only notice by what enters my life] Spring was very dark. Black.

The color that I associate with Spring 2010, is Black.

Black is Not a Color at all though you see, it is a hue. It is the absence of all color, therefore, making it able to accept & absorb all color.

It is what a person visualizes when no light is able to enter one’s sight. Also the color of mourning. It’s associated with death, metal music, and Halloween.

And, it sometimes is used to describe people whose color is actually brown.

My uniform at Emilio’s Sunflower Bistro was slick & black. It was while working there, that the idea for this post came to mind.

& i Don’t think that it will be finished in its proper sense today. Mercury went retrograde in Aries Yesterday.

i’M holding a piece of garlic on the RIGHT side of my mouth & it is making me hear air in my LEFT ear.

Neptune is in focus for April. It’s moving into Pisces on April 5, signifying the end of the Age of Aquarius, which we are actually quickly headed towards– & i Will be the first to admit that i Am Aw-struck & sometimes confused by Astrology.

Neptune is the Ruler of all things unseen: Air, Prana, Radiation, Thoughts. It takes 256 years for it to move through the solar system & return to its own Ruler, Pisces!

 

Jesus is Pisces

Anticipate new ways to togetherness.

So, maybe it’s the passing of time that’s causing me to be this way.

Tonight, i Am to attend a fashion show gallery ta-da! buy up pretty stuff event.

It’s being put on by some dealers/designers who i happen to see most often.

cme will officially be on the scene.

Before sitting down to type this out, i considered What to Wear?

Which brought me to Work Clothes.

As tonight i will be Net Working.

Hope you enjoyed my musings!

Now that we’re through with sharing thoughts, me thinks the making of business cards is in order.

Toodle Doo-

 

Possibly for the first in my life, the past few weeks of December have presented me with experiences that clearly demonstrate mySelf as a changed or grown person.

On Christmas, I casually met with a man who I’d had a crush on for years. We haven’t seen each other in some time & the plush beard that now sits on his face acted as a prominent indicator of time that has elapsed.

The second indicator (& one that I am most fond of), is that even with his beard he no longer has any powers over me. My desire to be liked by him has vanished with the times. And, I couldn’t be more grateful.

He too noticed the change. (To some extent the crushing was mutual and as life would have it nothing ever came to fruition). As the night moved onward he increasingly sought my attention with the gentle placement of his hand upon my back or offering to buy another drink.

I feel that the change occurred not because of anything that he did. Rather, I saw this as a clear sign that the efforts of changing my own person have taken hold. My priorities have changed. Even though it is sometimes difficult to notice the positive changes which have occurred on a day to day basis (especially when one is constantly seeing where further improvements can be made). When there is a sudden absence of feelings to be needed or wanted by someone, a true indication of change is present.

As the days pushed onward towards my birthday I realized that  I was receiving many gifts. Not the kind that come wrapped up in a neat package, but the kind that actually have a presence in one’s life…

The day after Christmas, an old & dear friend called to inform that he was in town. My history with this person is expansive. Our relationship has died and been resistated too many times to count. Last Christmas, it had died in my eyes. Enough to stick a fork in.

Still, his path in life is one that has caused me great concern and worry. No one wants to see their friends depressed & addicted to pharmaceuticals. Maybe it’s my Capricorn nature that drives me to want to help people.

Before ending the conversation he asked that I locate him pain killers.

I have never known where to locate such items. I personally don’t seek them out, even when they are prescribed I often refuse to take them. In the past they have gone to him. (I know).

After letting him know that I couldn’t be of help in that area we ended our conversation & I anticipated to not hear from him again that evening. Such was the case. Instead of feeling upset over this, sad or even angry as I might have in the past– I was fine with it. Glad even!

It seems harsh that I would be glad to not see someone because of their own miserable state. Misery loves company. And our interactions have had a tendency to bring me down, down, down. So, to not see him and to be alright with that makes me feel very good. (More of being OKAY with not being wanted).

Letting go is one of the most difficult processes any one of us will go through.

It is still a challenge in my life. But as this recent experience shows, improvement has been made.

Last night, one of my sister’s friend spouted some interesting babble in my direction in regards to my age. Without recalling the exact educationally influenced jargon he used– what he said was that I have reached a point in my life where my actions & reactions are now constantly setting the tone for my future. For the person that I will become & how I will project myself.

The message that he was sure to impart is that with each situation there is an opportunity. If I choose to make the wrong decision than each time something similar occurs it will be more difficult for me to make the right decision.

However, I prefer to see it in a more positive light: each time you make a choice to do what is right (no matter how difficult it may be) the next time it will be easier and easier to make the right decision. Until it becomes natural.

Doing what is right usually is difficult because it is not easy & rarely popular.

On my actual day of birth a slew of events occurred & really it was a whirlwind.

Dear friend, Max called from Ireland! With his lady Erin. I love them both & to hear their voices was like seeing a light in a dark room. Max is my high school sweet heart, sometimes this poses difficulties in our relationships with other people. (Like current significant others). As was the case just before they left.

The phone call (I’m sure) was Erin’s idea, because she bought the bouquet of flowers that Max gave me on my birthday last year.

So, the fact that they both called is sign to me that once they return home that I will have dear friends by my side once again. (A wonderful gift indeed!)

That evening before being sung Happy Birthday in English & Polish duct tape was put over my mouth so I had to blow out a box of candles with my nose. The cake itself was a gift & Daisy even wrote a personal message & put pretty flowers all around with (she’s super talented!)

My cousin put his piano in my living room. Much of the evening was spent playing music and signing. My sister has super awesome antique Asian bells which I handed out and everyone rang to their hearts desire. Multiple people jumped on the piano at once and one person brought their guitar. Someone even played the spoons. They also came up with an impromptu song all for me in honor of the day.

I received one more powerful gift regarding friendship that day and on the day following. My friend and I both stepped out of our comfort zones for the other. This story is lengthy, in depth and still very much being written.  I feel it will have a bright shiny happy ending. Even though right now, it’s still fairly dark.

This gift is actually the greatest gift. One big reason being that I was able to act for the better. Once again, letting go of old habitual actions that were no longer working.

My 24th year of life on Earth was seriously super strenuous. Filled with challenge & plenty of new experiences. As the year pushed to its on, I was reminded more and more why the path I have chosen is worth sticking to.

The acne that plagued my face for over a year and a half is fading quickly. The mirror in my room is no longer used to display pictures and coverings so that I don’t have to look at my face. I feel very strongly that because I am now a calmer person,  more content person than I was when I first turned 24. And because I spent major portions of my 24th year dropping baggage, letting go, being still and not giving into anger as easily that my face is still showing who I am inside, but that person is a much greater person. Hallelujah!

Today, I am 25 and 1.5 days old. The year is 2011. I am very excited for what is to come!

Thanks for playin’.

: )

 

 

Yo Mama’s so green, she said:

Recycle that bottle and good things will follow.

Better yet, purchase a re-usable water bottle to help rid the world of these evil polluting plastics


Yo mama’s SO green, instead of wearing pants, she wears plants.

....


Yo Mama’s so green, she left yo daddy for having the blues.

i LOVE the blues- baaaaaaabay!!


Thank you, goodnight!

fellow hens

A new breed of chicken has come to my attention thanks to the monotonous clicking through of Facebook photos.

I look through unreasonably large amounts of pictures on Facebook. There is a good chance that I’ve looked at all of yours. You might not even know me and I may have looked at your Facebook photos.

Sometimes the pictures are a little too much for me to handle. Just last week I clicked through over 45 pictures of the same puppy before I came to the one photo of my friend a real person (with the pup, of course).

One time I was at the same social gathering as a person I’ve seen in many a facebook photo and caught myself staring at them thinking Where do I know this person from? While this person looked back at me bewildered, kindly smiling, sort of. I remembered pretty quickly though. This particular person likes to wear their hair on in a pony tail directly atop of their head. We still have not met.

I learn a great deal by sifting through different people’s posted photo’s on facebook. –It’s how I found out that my sister got a tattoo on her 18th birthday. That was her not thinking far into the future & directly posting it by and large for all to see.  Everyone found out b/c of that move. Good job, Julie! : )

Most of the what I learn on facebook is not what would be considered fascinating.  But today- oh today! I learned about one God’s most fascinating creatures. I saw for the first time in my life–this guy!

Thank you, Crow

This gorgeous bird who looks outfitted for the Arctic (or a Chicago winter) is commonly referred to as: silkie chicken.

I would like to cuddle with this chicken! Hold it close to me and nuzzle my face in its fluffy soft feathers.

They are noted to be kind & gentle creatures. Not like normal chickens seen in movies or popping up in a backyard near you! So maybe one day my dream will come true!!

It’s interesting to me that I have been (in real life) to the place where the above silkie chicken is housed, and failed to see it. I even walked back to where the chickens are caged in at night. Though that was when it was night.

There are two trains of thought that I’d like to quickly bring to your attention here.

a. Upon laying eyes on this beautiful creature two things entered my mind.

The first thing was a stream of feelings, thoughts and emotions which cannot be expressed through this blog, and possibly not at all. I embraced this puff ball with my eyes and with my being.  Then,  in a flash I was Googleing to learn more about what man had to say about this bird.

There is something to be said about experiencing something for what it is and not demoting it to a word  or definition.

As a person who lives in the land of words and promotes their use in practically every aspect of my life, it is important to note that there is more to life than just what we make of it. That by limiting something to terms that our brains comprehend limits our relationship to whatever that is.

Q: When you go to zoo, what happens?

b. CME is highly against the killing of any of God’s creatures purely for the use of their fur or feathers or hide. Simultaneously, agreeing that the use of fur, feathers and hide is not only pretty on the eye (like my new friend here), but also very practical. Winter is cold, there is a reason animals are born wearing such nice outfits!

That said, plenty of people are keeping chickens these days. Not because they make good pets (though silkie chickens are said to be so). Chickens are being kept around b/c they lay eggs.

How do you like yours?

Another brief Google search informs that chickens stop laying eggs after about two years.

Then what?

You kill ’em! And eat ’em!

Or cull them.  Or keep them around as pets.

[There could be a very long feminist dialogue here, but there is not going to be one].

So, if you’re the kind of joe who will kill a chicken once it’s no longer producing:

know that females (even chickens) & people in general for that matter, are worth more than just what they produce. Beings do not deserve to die just because they’ve stopped producing.

Since they do offer good protein and the whole nourishment argument can be made — call me, when the time comes! So that I may practice blanching.

I’m looking to acquire feathers for fun fashion projects.

I am also willing to help purchase a silkie chicken with anyone who is willing to let me be friends with it, not kill it immediately after it’s no longer an egg layer and who will agree that I am to be executor of the feathers when its imminent death finally occurs.

The last chickens I knew were given up for adoption. If you eat out at Honky Tonk BBQ in the next 6-8 months & order the chicken platter– you might be feasting on: Dreamz or Tyra.

cluck cluck cluck ca-caaaaaw!

(Finally)

I would like for everyone to know that often times I blog post in my head. I literally daydream about posting!

This summer, while being far- far away from all things technological I noticed how my own inner dialogues  turned into expressions of my desire for more outward expression. The sort of self-expression that only this blog can provide.

Interesting…

I truly love the quick pace of summer. This summer especially has been jet-set filled. Every week from the last week of June until this one right here, I’ve managed to not only escape the city but this state entirely to visit a remote destination.

I have met up with friendly bicycle initiatives in: Kalamazoo, Jackson and Detroit, Michigan. (I will post my report on the Hub of Detroit upon completion).

Among my many travels, this summer has been filled with self-reflections and attempts at bettering myself.

I also got my hair-cut

I am well aware of what my weaknesses are and while I believe there will always be room for improvement, I am getting better at realizing my habits and working to correct mistakes before making them. (THIS IS DIFFICULT!)

Staying away from cigarettes is getting quite easy, thanks to the fact that smoking now makes me sick!

The most difficult part about fixing one’s bad habits is forming new ones. Filling in the rut so to say can be a trying task because after you’ve gone on performing in a certain fashion for so long, you don’t necessarily know of hand what to do instead.

The goal in these trying situations is not to make a move at all. Eventually, the right one will make itself.

Ya-  learning!

This summer was dubbed The Summer of Carles.

Each summer for the past oh- 8 years or so, has been named by myself or a close good friend. I decided earlier in May, as a non-smoker, regular bike rider and overall busy-girl who was gettin’ her shit done!– That this summer would my summer. There were big plans to sew regularly, continue forwarding my self improvement projects, to stay on the bike, etc, etc… All things good and positive (right).

Well, like Carles- this summer was a bit rough around the edges. Things did not go as planned.

Just recently I re-named this 2010’s solstice season to: The Summer of Chaos.

It has been! To the highest degree.

Each and every project I took on or have been apart of went in the opposite direction as intended.

The big job (and best paying to date) that I was hired to do was canceled. i.e. Lilith Fair Tour, 3rd leg/ East Coast.

I was to man To-Go Ware’s booth inside of the i4c tent! : )

Not really a boo-hoo situation though, because thanks to its cancellation I was able to deepen my focus on already established initiatives.

I am extremely grateful for all of this summer’s mishaps. So much so that as things were going awry I wouldn’t even become flustered by it.

Each step has been a learning experience.

If things were to have gone smoothly I would not be aware of my capabilities, strengths, weaknesses to the legnths that I am today.  No one learns from that which comes easy.

For those of you who are familiar with me and my work, you may know that I essentially launched my so-called career through Rothbury Festival.

Somehow, in the heat of the moment I managed to jump on board with Spitfire Agency and almost everything else that I have done in my life as “career-woman”, has been some how related to the work I’ve done there.

(The story of how I managed to grab the attention of one: Sarah Haynes is one that I am quite fond of. It is also a good example of good PR, so feel free to ask me about it!)

It was a truly devastating day when earlier this Spring, Ms Sarah called me up to inform that there would be no Rothbury Reunion 2010.

I used to say that the two weeks spent at Rothbury make the rest of year worth living through (& I meant it!).

On of my many mantra’s is: here is the trouble in having expectations.

Over time I have learned to project and not to expect.

Learning not to expect something to happen this way or that helps a lot in detachment efforts.

This summer turned out to be an on-going adventure of meeting up with Midwestern greener’s.

I was able to work with plenty of my favorite crew members on their own local initiatives and get to know them on a much deeper level. (There is never much time for chit-chat when working to green a music festival of 25,000 people. You do, however get to know the people you’re with very well.)

Nearly at the end of my 3rd summer as an unemployed person with a degree, I’ve concluded that I would rather not have a J-O-B! I am more than happy to work from project to project and provide in-put where necessary.

After speaking with a number of folk who have jobs, I am a firm believer that the system of employing people full-time is what worked so well to make it impossible for me to be so. Each person I’ve spoken with who has a full-time, spends a great deal of it working to find crap on the internet to fill their time up and look busy while at their desk. (Oh, and they’re being paid to do that!)

HM!

I have recently begun to see myself as the anti-fascist. Not in the same fashion as Woody Guthry is anti-fascism, but similarly to the way M.I.A. is the anti-diva.

yay! space with no words!

I spend a great deal of my life talking with people. Much of that time is spent with my mouth shut and with my ears and heart open. (Another difficult practice).

After much consideration, here is my conclusion:

People are most content and most productive if they are able to contribute that which they feel they are meant most to do.

xxx